The doc came by last week on his monthly visit to ask ery'body how we wuz doin'. I know this a little delicate.. but I've been havin' hemorrhoid problems. So I tell the doc, "Doc, I got Hemorrhoids..bad!" He said "I'll be the judge of that!" So he walks over to this big 'Ol piece of sheet metal on the wall and takes out a magic marker and draws a lil bitty circle on it and says to me, 'Walk over there and put your nose in that circle." So I did.

He pushed a lil button on the other side of the room and this whole chunk of sheet metal starts to move back away from the wall..all the time it's breakin' over in the middle. When it finally stopped I'm bent over like a double barrelled shotgun. He pulls out this "Big enuf for two" Sears umbrella that he's done striped all the cloth off of and sticks the point of the umbrella down into a bucket of 30W Havoline motor oil and then inserts the whole thing up my hiney. It hurt like Hell, But I couldn't move forward and I damn sure wasn't gonna back up!! He put the handle end of the umbrella against his stomach and then with a might shove he POPPED opened the umbrella up and said, "Well now, let me take a look in here." I said "DAMN Doc..what ya lookin' for...a parkin' spot?"

He pushed another button on the floor and it rasied my butt up in the air. He then pluged in a drop light with a 300 watt explosion proof bulb in it and dropped in down inside me...he looked around for a minute and said..."Damn, you got Hemorrhoids!"

No SHIT!!