Well, I had some visitors today. I ain't sure who they were? It wuz either my son and daughter in law Or my daughter and son in law? I figgered that out on account of both of 'em kept callin' me Dad.

They brung me a box of candy which is good. I can trade it over in 'A" wing (the women's side) for...well that ain't none of your business what I can trade it for. I ain't got but one tooth so candy is NOT sumpin' I need. Although it is a viable commodity here at the Home!

They also brought me sumpin' with absolutely NO value...a cellular telephone, Geez! The man, (Joe, Sam, Mike....sumpin' like that, his name escapes me) started tellin' me how they had programed the phone so that each time a different person called, the phone would play a different song. "If Sam calls it'll play The Lone Ranger, if Sally calls it'll play Some Where My Love, if Bill calls it'll play Rocket Man..blah, blah, blah, blaaaahhhh." And each time they would tell me about what song went with what person, they'd smile at me a pat me on the shoulder, like this would make me happy. Yeah Right! I can't remember what the Hell his or her name is but I'm gonna know who's callin' by a friggin song that sounds like a 5 year old kid is playin' it on a toy xylophone? Then he shows me how if I can't hear the person on the other end very well where to raise the antenna. OK, if I raise this monster ass 2 1/2 inch PLASTIC antenna I can hear better, huh? Oh yeah I'm sure with this huge Antenna raised I could prolly pick up Tokyo!!

After all the instructions they handed it to me with great pride. Like they wuz givin' me sumpin of huge importance. I took the lil flat, shiny phone, dropped it on the freshly waxed linoleum floor, turned my cane upside down and made a Wayne Gretzky shot. I Hockey Pucked that lil sum-bitch down the long hallway. It hit the south wall and exploded like a hand grenade. Oh by the way, it started playin' "I Go To Pieces" by Patsy Kline when it hit the wall.

I heard PoDunk say, "It must be Shuffle Board Day" as the lil phone bounced off 2 wheelchairs and zipped between Nurse Cratchet's feet at about 80 mph.

"Look... Bill, Sam, Mike or whatever in the Hell your name is. You wanna make me happy? Bring me 2 cases of Bud Light and some old doped up, out of her mind, Biker Broad that ain't all that particular, K?"

Nurse Cratchet tackled me from behind and now they have me Duct Taped to the plumbing in the broom closet. I tell ya, these people have NO sense of humor!