It's Tuesday here at the Yall Come Back Saloon and Fertilizer Plant and I just got thru watchin' President Bush give a lil speech and answer some questions..what a wonderful speaker! I understood exactly what he wuz sayin', I hope they have a (red neck translation) button for the rest of y'all? Can y'all turn a button and get one of them scroll thingies that run under the picture to tell ya what he said? You know, like for Spanish speakin' folks and stuff. Anyway....

OK, the way I understand it.... gas is to high, food is to high, mortgages are to high, people are bein' put out of their homes, we need more Student Loans, the war is costin' a fortune, and our soldiers are bein' killed in a war we gotta keep fightin' (according to Knot Head anyway). Did I leave sumpin' out? Knot Head allowed as how we need to drill more oil wells, turn an abandoned military post into a new refinery, squish corn for more gas and keep shootin' terrorist until Hell freezes over, right? Let me see if I can help y'all figger out some of these problems?

1. Sell your car and buy a mule. You'll no longer need gasoline. Not only will you not have to buy gas for your car but a mule grazing on your property keeps you from having to buy gas for lawn maintenance equipment. That will also relieve the need to mash up corn to make gas, the Mule will do it for you. (Mules make a lot of gas, whew)
2. Plow up your manicured lawns, fill up your fancy swimming pools and plant you some potaters, tamaters, beans and such. This will drop the price of food. (use mule droppings for fertilizer)
3. If your lawn looks like a truck farm, the mortgage companies ain't gonna repossess nuttin', how the Hell would they ever sell it to anybody else?
4. Make a video game that's actually tied in with Lending Companies called..uhhh, "Sheena Finds A Student Loan". Put Sheena in a thong, high top boots with 4 inch heels, a top to little for her boobs and give her a sword and a shield. The little geek bastards will have a student loan before supper time.
5. Close down our military bases In Iraq and make refineries out of them. I mean Hell fire, there's so much oil over there you can't walk across the yard without gettin' your shoes nasty! Bring the soldiers HOME!
6. As soon as G.W. gets out of the White House, put a turban on his head and send him to the terrorists as their new leader. If he can do for them what he's done for America...I'll guarantee ya within 6 months all them ass holes will put down their guns, leave the Middle East and be over here driving a taxi, runnin' a Motel 6 or a 7-11.

Ya See how easy it is...use your brains folks, GEEZ!! Now I gotta go. I got this uncomfortable itch in a "private" place. I ain't sure what's causin' it? I wuz readin' a magazine yesterday over in "A" wing and I think I might have a yeast infection?

C'Ya